“There is no such thing as justice, all the best that we can hope for is revenge.”
~ Emilia Autumn, Fight Like A Girl.
It’s great to be a woman.
For years I’ve attempted to find the best ways to describe the hardships of having tits. But let’s be real, there’s ALWAYS an ignorant voice in the background yelling, “What about me!?”
What about you? How many times do we have to tell you that we’re not invalidating your feelings? How many times do we have to be told it isn’t that bad while our bodies are turning up in dumpsters because we weren’t interested? We were just trying to have a drink with our friends when you came up to us, harassing us. That’s sweet of you to buy us a drink, but we’re not obligated to accept your kindness. Not when the world is such a dangerous place for us.
I’ve been told by two different “boys” that date rape doesn’t happen as much as girls say it does. That’s two too many. On top of that, they both were extremely adamant and abrasive about being right about something that doesn’t even affect them. They told me, a woman (the antagonist to this plot), that I was wrong about something that affects ME. How dare anyone think they can invalidate what someone else goes through just because they have their head so far up their ass that they have to snuff their nose up to the clouds and be superior. Who do you think you are?
As a woman and a musician, I’ve had many experiences that were looked past. People were quick to forget about my talents and avert their eyes to my chest or ass. They weren’t really listening when I sang, they were instantly thinking about what pickup line they’d use on me. A lot of women in the scene have this issue. In fact, ALL of them do. Writers, singers, photographers, etc. I even had to pry some scumbag off a drunk girl at a show because he was groping on her, and when I asked if she wanted him to, she said no. What did he say in retaliation? “Oh, she’s drunk, she wants me.” THAT’S EXACTLY WHEN SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU. (Especially since she was trying to pull away from him the entire time.)
The whole thing makes me livid. I even took to asking a few other talented women about their experiences. Kaytlin Medley of Flying Jacob went over some pretty horrific experiences with me, including being marked as a fan for a show even after her bandmates told the promoter she was a member, and being too afraid to come off stage because boys were harassing her. She’s even witnessed some hardships due to her sexuality, hateful slurs from narrow minded bar patrons. And while they weren’t directed at her, it was still heart wrenching to experience.
“I’ve seen countless posts on social media from men claiming female vocalists can’t measure up to a male vocalist,” Kaytlin says. “They won’t even give our music a chance because women’s voices just can’t have the same power as a man’s.” Let me just say… Hayley Williams, Joan Jett, Maria Brink, lzzy Hale, Whitney Houston, Alanis Morisette and countless other amazing female artists. Oh… and fuck you if you think this way.
Musical artist Caroline Roman, whose recent release ‘Dark Angel’ hit over 180k views in no time, took the time out of her busy schedule to tell me about her experiences, as well. Not only has she dealt with sexism, but she’s also endured prejudice due to her age. Let’s be honest, if she were a man, that wouldn’t be an issue. “I’ve definitely experienced people not taking me seriously,” she said, “not only because I’m a girl, but also because I was a teenager. I was 13 when I started.”
It’s 2019. There are still people doubting women simply because they’re women. We’re still getting groped in public, harassed in our inboxes, ridiculed for our beliefs. People genuinely think we should just sit and look pretty for them. Can you believe guys still get mad when we look different without makeup? We don’t need you to tell us how much more you like a natural face. We didn’t spend $200 at Sephora for your grimy ass. We did it for ourselves, baby. (The literal definition of makeup is cosmetics such as lipstick or powder applied to the face, used to enhance or alter the appearance.) If you didn’t know that, it’s not our jobs to fix your stupidity.
To the boys who respect us, who would never hurt us, we appreciate you so much, you don’t even know. Thank you for looking out for us when we’re scared in public. I went on tour with the boys from A Decade Apart and was stalked by some random drunk guy in the bar. They circled around me to make sure he’d leave me alone. It was amazing.
Women, be fierce. No more complications. No more sexism. No more harassment. If they’re not going to stop, let’s look out for one another.
As Kaytlin Medley said, “Fight back. Don’t let anyone tell you can’t reach your goals. It’s a harder battle, but it’s 100 percent possible. Don’t buy into their misogynistic bullshit. If someone touches you without your permission, turn around and break their fucking nose. My mother told me when I was 10 that if someone attacks me and I can’t run to make sure I fuck them up so bad the police could identify them from three miles away. Don’t ever give in. Be relentless, aggressive. Fuck. Them. Up.”
I agree. Because if peace won’t work, it’s time to throw punches, ladies.